Stephanie Nielson

I thought that this was beautiful and expresses my feeling about motherhood and trials so well. Enjoy

Fly a kite

We tried to fly a kite in the field behind our house last night. There wasn't enough wind so we gave up. Ben loved riding his tractor though. Yesterday we went with the Hales to a bounce house. They have 4 boys. Ben was fearless. He climbed and slid and bounced the whole 3 hours and followed all the boys around. I was wishing I had my camera. We were grateful for the chance to spend time with friends and for such a fun diversion.

There's no place like home

We decided to do something fun for Benjamin this week. He loves toy story and so we decorated his room with some of the images from the movie. You should see him when he goes into his room. He makes the rounds and "visits" every character naming them and laughing. I was so pleased with how it turned out. Ben loves Rex. Here are some snap shots of some of the different characters. Slinky, and Hamm, and several of the toy soldiers are also in the room framing his bed and dresser. So cute!

Maine trip

I'm not sure what to write to describe out latest trip to Maine. Things didn't turn out as expected and we are left feeling hurt, disappointed, sad, angry, and a variety of other emotions that I haven't even put into words yet.

We got a call at about 1:45 PM Saturday (6/19) from Brian, the birth-father, telling us that Kimberly had had contractions all night and morning. After conversing with the doctors, they decided to call in the weekend crew to have the C-section that day. He said the Operating Room would be available at 2 PM and it would take about an hour. He asked us to come.

We panicked. We scrambled. We ditched all other plans. We were out of there by 6 PM, which included packing, packing, packing (Boy cloths, girl clothes, Benjamin's clothes and toys and other forms of entertainment packing our clothes), changing our cell phone plan, stopping the mail and paper, Joseph going to the office to turn in a time sheet and get the company laptop to work while away, and our sister-in-law bringing the minivan to us from the farm. We threw everything into the van in some haphazard fashion. (It's amazing what you can get done in 4 hours.)

We expected to get a call a little after 3 PM to tell us whether to bring the boy clothes box or the girl clothes box, but we did not get any such call. Brian had called from home, and was for good reason no longer home. We went anyway. A few hours later, while driving somewhere east of Albany, we decided call the hospital. We actually got hold of Kimberly, and she gave us the news: it's a boy, 8 lbs 15 oz, and
healthy. We were glad to hear it had not been a false alarm, because by then we were 150 miles from home. There had been a delay at the hospital because of some other emergency, and Brian had called our home phone instead of our cell phone. She said "tell Joseph happy father's day."

A kind friend in our ward reserved a room for us in Amesbury, MA, north of Boston, with his frequent-traveler points. We didn't get there until after midnight, and weren't asleep until 2. We were dragging the next morning, but continued onward and arrived in Rockland, Maine in the afternoon. It's hard to entertain a 2-year-old in a hospital nursery, so Joseph took a lot of walks with Ben in the hall while Diane and Kim conversed and admired the baby. Benjamin and Joseph also took a trip to the beach, just down the hill past the sign that said access to shore at own risk. Beaches in Maine are rocky, not sandy, so Benjamin threw rocks into the bay.

When we got back to the room, a lawyer was there with paperwork to give us shared power of attorney for the baby. Kimberly signed it, then went home - yes, home. She hadn't slept much the night before, and wanted to get away from it. The next morning she called and said that she had gone to the hospital at 4 AM, and asked that we not come to the hospital before noon. Uh oh. She wanted to have some family time with the baby and her daughter.

At 11:40 the phone rang. Kimberly told us she had changed her mind and wants to raise the child. We were devastated. We talked to the social worker from LDS Family Services and she advised us there was nothing to do except make sure the hospital revocation was in force so that we weren't responsible for the hospital bills.

We stopped by the hospital to say goodbye. Joseph was gracious and told her thanks for considering us. She said if it was any consolation that she would choose us if she were going to place the baby. (I've never been a fan of the consolation prize)
We needed to leave Maine --We made it to Worcester, MA that night, swam in the pool, slept in, swam in the pool again, and made it home by 4 PM yesterday. The whole experience was barely 72 hours, but seemed like a month.

I don't know how to describe the feeling that is left over, but I do believe in the atonement and that Christ can heal our hearts. Strangely enough even with the grief we somehow feel better off. We are however left wondering about The Plan. For us, it's a different course than we imagined over the last 5 weeks. We wonder what will become of this child and hope that Ben might get to be a big brother someday. He was so cute with the little guy.




Originally I wasn't going to post these, but I had a change of heart. Isn't Ben a cutie?

Toy Story 3

We went to see Toy Story 3 today. It was Ben's first time in a movie theater. He did really well, he even made it through the myriad of previews. It helps that Toy Story is his favorite. Lately he loves Rex the dinosaur. He can name all the characters. It was great! We enjoyed the movie. Deagan his buddy went with his family too. The picture is of them earlier in the day on enjoying Popsicle on the front porch.

The picture has nothing to do with these misc. musings. Yesterday at dinner Ben and Daddy were talking. Joseph said to Benjamin. "You're lucky you get corn on the cob for your vegetable and if given beans you can spit them out. I have to down a medley of corn, carrots, peas, and beans. Mommy won't let me spit them out."
I told Joseph that it was blog material. He said that he might start a blog called the truth about wardwhereabouts. If you come across it let me know.

This picture was taken at the farm last weekend. That is Grandpa's haying hat. Ben loves it.

I really do put pants on the child. Lately we have alternated from his riding his tractor to the swimming pool and I've forgone shorts in favor of just the diaper. Check out the shirt. It's a favorite....especially with Daddy.

Chainsaw?

The town is resurfacing our road and redoing the shoulder. They came by and trimmed some of the trees in the front back two days ago. We had two trees out front that were dying and when they were here they took them down. We had a lovely large tree that they trimmed and in the trimming process the foreman told me that the tree was also diseased and that it should also come down. Needless to say the front yard looks bare! They left the wood for us to use. Here Joseph is using the big chain-saw to cut the wood up.


As you can imagine Ben wanted in the works too. He grabbed his chainsaw. Daddy told him that he needed gloves, googles, boots and a hat. This is what he gathered and how he looked to help with the tree process. What a crack up!!!

Apparently here he was feeling rather GQ ish. Check out the hands on the hips.

Tractor

Our generous neighbor brought this tractor over yesterday and said that they were getting rid of it and wanted to know if we wanted it before they donated it. Did we ever. Their boys are too big for it. Benjamin took one look at it and we can't get him to focus on anything else. Just when I think he has forgotten about it he says "Ride tractor Mommy?" It came with two batteries that we are having a hard time keeping charged. He is so adorable. It is fun to see him have something that he loves.

We have been busy making preparations to go to Maine. We are super excited. We finally have all the baby cloths washed and boxed. I have a boy box and girl box and a box of misc. like receiving blankets and diapers and of course the baby Bjorn that I love so much. I think that we are going to borrow my parents van for our next trip as we seem to just have a lot of stuff to take. We are planning on being there 2 weeks so we want to take some toys for Ben and a stroller etc. All requiring more room than we have in the Saturn or Truck. We are actually looking at purchasing a bigger vehicle. I (being cheap) hate the process of car shopping. We saw a Santa Fe listed on craigslist that the owner is wanting to trade for a truck. We responded....we'll see what happens. I feel so adult when I drive a van or SUV.

Early last week we thought that we might be headed to Maine the end of this week. Our attorney got right on things when he heard that the baby could be born early. As of Friday we got the Judge to sign a conditional certification. The condition is upon satisfactory return of our digital fingerprints. So long story short we are all set and settling down to wait for the baby to finish growing.

It is such an exciting time for us. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers and well wishes. We'll keep you all posted.

Our Dinosaur and his lion cousin

I mentioned in an earlier post that Kenneth and Heidi were in town this weekend. Benjamin loves their kids. He and Emma dressed up in costumes when they were at our house yesterday. I was able to take this cute picture. Arianna was a knight and baby Grant was just afraid. No surprise - Benjamin kept roaring at him.





Here are the three musketeers. They sure have grown!

Farming it

We went to the farm this weekend. My brother Kenneth and Sister-in-law Heidi and their 3 children are in town and we love to be together, so everyone gathered at the farm. The boys did the haying and mowed a ton of hay and baled close to 300 of those big round bails. Most nights they weren't home before 11pm.
For the children the activity of choice is tractor riding. If a tractor isn't available they will settle for a 4 wheeler. If that's not available then kabota ride will due. The picture is of Grandpa getting the littlest ones settled in the back of the kabota.
Spring is my favorite time on the farm. It's absolutely beautiful. The picture of the peonies and pond was taken from my parents' front driveway.

Maine

We had a lovely time this weekend on our trip to Maine. Maine is beautiful, and the birth mother that we meet with is amazing. We liked her immediately. She was warm and inviting and so generous to us. We got to meet several of her extended family and loved them. Families are so fun. The ones that I enjoy the most are crazy, and silly, and loud, and laugh at nothing in particular, but everything collectively. This family is like that. We felt so comfortable there. I appreciate their familial closeness and the support they give one another. Benjamin was a trooper on the trip. He did really well. He was his typical self and all over the house and yard, and not wanting to share. His favorite spot was the dirt pile until an 18 year old nephew showed up, at which point Ben became his shadow. This nephew also entertained Ben at church and Ben ate it up.
One of our favorite parts of the trip were our walks on the beach. The coast was so pretty. It was fun to learn about the different lifeforms and hunt for crabs, shells etc.




We stopped in Boston on the way home and went to the New England Zoo. We thought that Ben would love it and with our reciprocal membership got in for 1/2 price. Benjamin was crabby and only wanted to climb on things or ride the train. He did like the silo slide and the carousel that he and Daddy rode. We tried to see several animals but he wouldn't have it. The fire engine he got to ride he quickly commandeered (see picture.) The Zoo did tire him out, he slept for several hours afterward. We ended up getting home around 8:30 last night tired, but happy.

More info to come...